I was able to view the total solar eclipse on August 21, 2017. Naturally, I commemorated the experience by shitposting. Here are those posts, preserved for posterity.

Okay, folks, are you on Team Sun or Team Moon today?

As the son of an optometrist, I feel like I have to say this: PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR EYES! ONLY look at the Sun through designated solar glasses.

Spencer wearing a sleep mask over his eyes

Protest chant for today: “Hey, hey, not today! Our golden Sun is here to stay!”

at your diner, ask for the Eclipse Special: a sunny-side up egg topped with an English muffin

a man will slowly drag the bread across your plate over the course of two hours

current plan: sing “Hey, Hey, Goodbye” during totality

Heard a FAKE NEWS reporter saying she was covering the eclipse today. No, I’m pretty sure the MOON is doing that.

oh shit I’m so excited I can’t remember my eclipse drills from school. is this the one where we hide under our desks?

I’m hearing rumors that this will be the last public-access eclipse. They’re switching to a pay-per-view model after this.

Not in the path of the eclipse? Make your own at home! Stare at a lightbulb and put your thumb in front of it.

my doctor is telling me that a Total Eclipse of the Heart is not a real medical condition and that if I call him again today he’ll block my number

to all the haters praying for my battery to run out. joke’s on you I brought my charger

solar phone charger

selfie in the last rays of the dying sun’s light

Selfie of Spencer

Oh dammit. Just now remembering that I left some sun tea out on the porch.

Someone has a sick sense of humor.

Hand holding Starburst candies

open thread for final confessions before the earth ends

There is a small child near me who just started whining, “Snakes! Snakes!”

For reals. I’m not making this one up.

it’s beginning! the first total solar eclipse!

got my eclipse pie

Spencer eating pie

I believe the Sun is currently in what’s known as the “waning gibbous” phase

The mood here in this Molalla park is relaxed. Families are laughing, people have set up gas stoves. Feels just like a typical, run-of-the-mill Monday Sun-viewing ritual.

didn’t bring eclipse glasses? no problem! a typical kitchen colander can be used to drain pasta and carboload your sorrows away

what genius called us “total solar eclipse viewers” and not “impartial observers”

If this SOLAR eclipse is all about the Sun then why does the glowy thing look like a crescent MOON???

thinking of getting a good “shrimp! heaven! now!” chant going

kid nearby just asked his dad, “Shouldn’t the shadow snakes start soon?”

I will be the man booing during totality

No snark, that was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

The second half of a total solar eclipse is also called the “overshadowed” phase, when viewers pack up and go home.

I can now say I’ve seen a total solar mirage.🌞😎👍

Final eclipse update: my scientist friend says the Sun DID in fact successfully devour the Moon